The Husband: Hey! Guess what I got for school!
Bluebird: (Sets down pen.) What’d you get?
The Husband: Some trousers! On sale! See this pair? They’re Pollos!
Bluebird: (Squinting at trousers.) Uh . . .
The Husband: (Oblivious.) You know! Pollos? Like the chicken? They have a little man on a chicken holding a hammer on them. VERY classy.
(Bluebird is speechless.)
The Husband: Hey! Guess what I got for school! Some trousers! On sale! See this pair? They’re Pollos!
THE HUSBAND is reading on the living room couch.
Bluebird: (Squinting from kitchen.) What are you reading?
The Husband: This? Oh, it’s the Lolololag Largolarginaut.
The Husband: —the Hoolag Hoolighuganao!
Bluebird: I still don’t know what you’re saying.
The Husband: You know! You gave it to me! The Ololololoo Loo-loo-ooginoh!
Bluebird: Do you mean “THE GULAG”—
The Husband: Yes.
The Husband: Yes! (Clears throat.) It’s a very good book. You should read it some time. Lots of vowels AND consonants. That’s VERY important to me, you know. Also, syllables. I like them a LOT.
THE HUSBAND is in the kitchen eating something crunchy. Bluebird walks in.
The Husband: (Mouth still full.) Man, these cookies are really good!
Bluebird: (Covers eyes with one hand.) Do you mean the dog cookies Karen gave us?
The Husband: (Swallows rest of dog cookie.) Yum. Peanut buttery. (A beat.) I won’t eat any more. (Another beat.) Ask Karen for the recipe, will you? (A third beat.) I need it for… the dogs.