BB’s Personality Quiz :: What does your house say about you?

Photograph of Irish soldier in field holding the leash of a goat, apparently.
Goat ranching in the fifth dimension is where it’s at! (Credit: National Library of Ireland)

We here at Bluebird Blvd. are always looking for ways in which we can improve our lives. We improve our lives by writing personality quizzes. Like this one, for instance!

A real estate agent would call your house:

    a) A demi Tudor A-frame half-caf with a detached air conditioner

    b) That’s a house?!? I thought that was a cat tree. Never mind. Tell me the amenities, and I’ll fix it up in the listing.

    c) Imaginary. And if you try to sell it, you’d better hope the buyer is imaginary too.

    d) Big. Reallyreallyreally big. Like, it has its own time zone, y’all.

The first thing visitors notice when they enter your foyer is:

    a) that you have no foyer. This is an entryway.

    b) What the hey-ho is a foy-yay?

    c) the great big gaping pit with a pendulum swinging over it. Bwah-hah-harrrr… *Cough*

    d) This foyer is where George Washington got sick after eating some bad oysters on a bet. See the plaque? That’s where he rested his clammy forehead.

Your ideal living space has:

    a) me. Living in it. Yup. That’s it.

    b) walls that go all the way up to the ceiling. And a ceiling. A full one that goes all the way to the walls!

    c) a raft of inflatable couches filled with helium. Take a helmet! We’re gonna play airship.

    d) Living space? That gives me an idea. I would like to buy a little area in the fifth dimension. For goat ranching.

What is the finest feature of your bedroom?

    a) That charming little room? It’s called a closet. I keep my clothes in there. Tee-hee!

    b) A bed… room? Just for the bed? Explain please.

    c) I have pajamas made of magnets for sleeping on my Foosball table. Best sleep I’ve ever had!

    d) Sleep? Who has time to sleep? I’m goat ranching in the fifth dimension!

The one improvement you would make on your home is:

    a) Oh, everybody says that we really need a new carportzzzzzzzzzzz. Whar? What was the question again?

    b) Well, the outhouse is a one-seater. I’m aiming to make it a two-seater. Scorpion season is fierce ’round here.

    c) If I buy one more fiberglass pink gorilla for the front yard, the neighborhood association is threatening some sort of inquisition? No worries. I own three muskets!

    d) I want a pool on the ceiling. My team of physicists is sorting out the details. You know how it goes. Blah, blah, blah, gravity! Just fix it, I say!


Give yourself one point for each A answer, two points for each B answer, three points for each C answer, and four points for each D answer. Then divide that number by the square root of thirtyleven. Write it on a scrap of paper and pray fervently to the linoleum gods. Throw that scrap of paper into a bowler hat, pull it out, and read it upside down. Please compare your upside down number to the answer key below.

    IF YOU HAD MOSTLY A’sโ€” You live in a house, which is fantastic. However, you have very little imagination and you cannot buy this product at Ikea. They don’t stock it anymore. How to fix this: Do something goofy and spontaneous. Not a knife fight, though. Never a knife fight. Ouchie.

    IF YOU HAD MOSTLY B’sโ€” We are probably related. I’ll be over later to help you build the two-seater outhouse of your dreams. You’re gonna have to loan me a pair of boots. It’s almost scorpion season.

    IF YOU HAD MOSTLY C’sโ€” Your house is mostly imaginary and you drink too much caffeine. Drink less caffeine. Should you buy another pink fiberglass gorilla, invite me over. I want to watch the neighborhood association plotz. Again, we are probably related. I have my own helmet for those inflatable couch airfights.

    IF YOU HAD MOSTLY D’sโ€” Then you shot J.R. It’s also 1988. Nobody goat ranches in the fifth dimension anymore. It’s all about koala wrangling in the second dimension these days. That’s where the money is, m’boy!

60 thoughts on “BB’s Personality Quiz :: What does your house say about you?”

  1. B’s here. A foyer? (chuckle), a room just for sleeping? Not storage as well? I have heard of such a thing, but doubt its existence….A two-seater outhouse? Yes please!

    I don’t pray to the linoleum gods, Anoia is the goddess of choice in my house, the much worshipped minor goddess of Things That Stick in Drawers. ( I love you Terry Pratchett)

    1. I know, how weird is that? A room for sleeping! P’shaw!

      When we moved into this house, which has two full restrooms, I thought it was the height of luxury. (I still think it’s the height of luxury!)

      I need to start reading Terry Pratchett. He’s on my list! (I did read “Omen,” a couple of weeks ago, though!)

    2. Two restrooms? Yes, definite luxury!

      Last year we bought a beautiful new caravan. We often joke that it is so much nicer than our old house that if one more thing goes wrong (drippy tap, blown globe) we will be moving in there and leaving the house forever!

      Terry Pratchett books make the world a better place ๐Ÿ™‚ I have been a fan for many years, and the evolution of the Discworld from the first book has been a wonderful thing to be carried along with.

    3. If I had a beautiful new caravan, I’d be having the same response!

      The two bathroom thing still make me giddy. I like where we are living now, very much!

      I’ve pulled my special Terry Pratchett list (which is thanks, in part, to a recommendation made in the comments of Mash Note Dept.: Elizabeth Gilbert. Right after that, this lovely librarian offered some additional suggestions, which I talked about in Run Deep and Rise. So lovely!

  2. (Eyes closed, breathing deeply, dreamy smile on my face) …playing airship on helium-inflated couches…
    Oh, but there is goat ranching in the fifth dimension!
    What to do…what to do?!

  3. 500th?????? Batman on a broomstick! Congratulations Bluey! And just for the record I’m a goat farmer who sends the home-made fetta to the 6th dimension /via/ the 5th. ๐Ÿ˜€

    1. I was shocked, myownself! (“Batman on a broomstick” rocks, Meeks!) I, too, am a 5th dimension goat farmer. Let me get out my special 6th dimension sunblock. It’s SPF 8,000 square root of five. Purple. Would you like some? ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. ha! I love this. It got me out of bed this morning and put the whole day in a smiling mood. (says the boy planning on putting his double wide outhouse on wheels so it can be dragged out to the goat pasture in hopes that 5D goats like 2D scorpions~ or something like that.)

    …oh dear I just read it again and started gaggling and gawfalling. It is kind of hard to make it all the way through a second time without my eyes tearing up from the hard squint caused by out loud laughter and cheeks in tight bunches punching said eye balls with each chortle…

    This is now on repeat. In my brain. ouchie. no knives needed.

    1. Erikโ€” your comment put me in a very good mood yesterday! I think 5D goats would eat 2D scorpions!

      And now I’m laughing. Thank you so much for being you, Erik!

    1. Wow. I don’t know what to try out first. Could you change the “wisps of clouds” to something with a bit more privacy? So it will have to be the rocke……ooooh !! ๐Ÿ™‚

    2. We must have collided with the wispy mobile home, Knocked us out for ages……oh we’re in a vertical dive. Going down. Pull back on the couch arms..Quickly !!!

    3. Help me to pull back on the arm rests. She’s coming up. Whew level flight and we just missed the Taj Mahal by inches. Where to now Commander of the Rocket Couch?

    4. Okay. Heading west to Paris. I’ll take you for dinner on the Eiffel Tower. We’ve landed and the waiter has brought up a table to our couch. Helmets off. Here is the menu. What would you like to drink and eat ?

    5. Lobsters with the daintiest of vegetables. Two glasses of champagne. Have your coffee later Commander. I see you have changed and are dressed for dinner in our finest Rocket Couch dress uniforms. Cheers !! The lights of Paris are wonderful form us being so high up. More champagne ?

    6. Finished your tiny coffee Commander? Okay back into our flying suits. Helmets on. Visors down. And off we fly in our Rocket Couch. We are circling over the Seine. Our Rocket engines look like fireworks for the tourists below. Notre Dame to our left. Quasimodo on the roof waving to us. The lights of Paris from the clear sky are wonderful. What next?

  5. Well, we have taken off. Oh No. Wispy cloud mobile home coming in from the right. See tomorrow night’s thrilling installment of Rocket Couch. Will they collide. Will they survive.
    (4am here in Spain. Night night Courtenay) ๐Ÿ™‚

Hey there, Cupcake! How are ya?

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