THE HUSBAND is reading on the couch.
The Husband: (Looking up.) You know—
Bluebird: —no I don’t.
The Husband: I want to create ribbons you can pin on your shirt.
Bluebird: Ribbons for what?
The Husband: For awareness.
Bluebird: (Reluctantly). Okay?
The Husband: An awareness pin to help people to be aware of awareness.
The Husband: Don’t you dare—
Bluebird: You hurt me like the world hurts God.
The Husband: —quote Sylvia Plath. Dammit. I have a new idea for an awareness pin.
The Husband: For people who are married to people who quote Sylvia Plath. Our ribbon will be sherbet orange. We’re going to read a lot of rhyming doggerel, lady. A lot.
THE HUSBAND is standing outside of Bluebird’s office, just out of sight.
The Husband: I am like dandruff— silent but deadly!
THE HUSBAND is watching Russian historical documentaries in Russian on YouTube.
The Husband: (Smiling happily at his laptop screen.) You can find anything on YouTube. If you want to learn how to make a knuckle sandwich, all you have to do is type in “knuckle sandwich” and a YouTube video will teach you how to make one.
THE HUSBAND is making dinner.
The Husband: I like the navy sweater you got me from Goodwill. It matches the blue in my hair.
DON’T WORRY— HE’S A STUNT-HUSBAND
The Marriage Interpreter [No. 7] — There’s no such thing as a mute point, Husband.
The Great Ska Compromise of 2004 — The border in question was a small, but important territory.
The Marriage Interpreter [No. 2] — Which part of the body is the babymaker?