The Marriage Interpreter [No. 42]

 
 
 
What'd I Do?
 

Coming to a Husband near you: The Husband's Denostrilizer.


 
 
 

THE HUSBAND is in his office.
 
The Husband: (Musing out loud.) I wish there was a fashion book called “The Stylings of the Suburban Fez.”
 
(Bluebird glances up from her computer, bewildered.)
 
The Husband: (Still speaking from his office.) Or a book like “Cravats Are Where It’s At.”
 
Bluebird: Is this the spring break version of you?
 
The Husband: Yes. Yes, it is. It’s regular me with more fezzes and cravats.

 
 

***

 
 

THE HUSBAND is eating lunch and looking thoughtful.
 
The Husband: I just came up with the perfect video game. It combines basketball with birds!
 
Bluebird: And you’re calling it…?
 
The Husband: Angry Larry Birds
 
Bluebird: No.

 
 

***

 
 

THE HUSBAND just came back from school.
 
The Husband: (Setting his book bag down.) A narwhal is a porpoise with a unicorn horn!
 
Bluebird: (Cracking one eye at him.) Do you need more sleep?
 
The Husband: Maybe. No. Yes? Porpoises!

 
 

***

 
 

A FRAZZLED BLUEBIRD walks into The Husband’s office.
 
Bluebird: I took sixty pictures of myself last night for that thing, and I have narrowed it down to fifteen possibles. Can you look at these and tell me which one you like best?
 
The Husband: (Flipping through pictures on her laptop.) No. No. No. Yes. No. No. No headphones. So, the rest of these are a no-go.
 
Bluebird: (Pointing to The Husband’s one yes.) I was going to use this one, actually.
 
The Husband: (Pauses.) Well, your forehead isn’t that big in real life.
 
(Bluebird stares at him.)
 
The Husband: What’d I do? Don’t you have a app that will de-forehead a picture? Can’t you get Adobe Deforeheader?
 
Bluebird: (Still staring at him.) I predict—
 
The Husband: (Small voice.) Oh, no.
 
Bluebird: (Points accusing finger.) —six months of up-nostril photos. Don’t worry. Doesn’t Adobe have their Denostrilizer app out yet?

 
 
 

Take Your time, Husband

 
 
 
 
THE COOLEST UNICORN HORN STORY, ONE MINOR ELECTROCUTION AND A STYLIN’ FEZ!
 

* 5-Minute Dance Party [Cool Unicorn, Bruv]

* The Marriage Interpreter (No. 14)

* Self Portrait With Fez

 
 
 
 

About Courtenay Bluebird (Bluebird Blvd.)

Courtenay Bluebird is the creator of Bluebird Blvd. and The Bluebird B-Side. She is a published writer, career journalist, and professional photographer who likes books and sweets. She laughs loudly and sincerely both in public and in private.
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8 Comments

  1. I love the Angry Larry Birds. Good post.

  2. I laughed so hard I honked, then snorted like Suzanne Somers in “Three’s Company.”

  3. Oh hilarious – thanks for the friday afternoon chuckles (Angry Larry Birds!)

  4. Lovely Saturday morning giggle. Thanks Bluey!

  5. “(Small voice.) Oh, no.” LOVE that :D

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