The Marriage Interpreter (No. 20)


March 4, 1909


No! His name was Snake Plissken!

Bluebird and The Husband are sitting in the living room. It is a Saturday evening.

Bluebird: (Holding up red envelopes) Our Netflix came in!

The Husband: Did you get me Downton Abbey?

Bluebird: Was I supposed to?

The Husband: Yes.

Bluebird: Didn’t you just watch all of it? Why do you want to see it again so soon?

The Husband: (Eyes brighten) Well… it’s got a great story.

Bluebird: Okay?

The Husband: (Looking at ceiling while he thinks.) It’s about a castle family that’s pretty broke because, um, they don’t own the place. They rent.

Bluebird: Mm-hmm?

The Husband: The father is an uptight face who says, “Balderdash.” And, “How DARE YOU, Sir!” I say it all the time. And I say, “Balderash!,” too. The mother is Peggy Sue. She’s American.

Bluebird: Peggy… Sue?

The Husband: (Nods) Peggy Sue. There are maids and man servants and a ditzy teenager girl who empties out the, um, whatchamacallits. Her name is Paulie Girl.

Bluebird: (Holds up palm) Wait. That can’t be right. Paulie Girl?

The Husband: (Tilts head) I’m not sure about the names, but I love the show. I’ve seen every episode. (Getting into it.) There’s a lot of high tea drama. That’s high drama during high tea. It’s very British. You have to be from… the Britain to know what I am saying. The Britain-ish of that time were happy if they were rich and if you weren’t, you couldn’t own a nice hat.

(Bluebird is confused, but keeps nodding.)

The Husband: (Oblivious to the Bluebird’s confusion) Matthew, the new rightful heir, meets Mary for the first time. She’s the daughter of the Lord of the Dance… Hall. Her dad’s name is Edward. He’s the uptight face. His daughter was rude to Matthew. She wore a top hat with a scarf on the hat the day they met. It was very nineties. Like Flash from the Axl Rose Band. No! His name was Snake Plissken!

Bluebird: (Weak-voiced) Is there… more?

The Husband: (Doesn’t even hear her.) Anyways it was the same kind of hat with a scarf and she was out riding. Matthew was nice and she was rude because she thought he was a commoner. A commoner doesn’t have a real job, like being a duke or something. They have to work. In actuality, Matthew was a licensed barista.

(Bluebird starts laughing.)

The Husband: You know— a lawyer. What’s so funny? A banister?

Bluebird: Matthew is a banister. Okay.

The Husband: And… Matthew wasn’t royalty and he always went everywhere with his mother. She is a skinny Eleanor Roosevelt. She shaved refugees from… a place. England? No, we’re in England.

The Husband: (In the home stretch) Well, anyways, the family is worried he’s going to take over the bouncy castle and kick them all out because they just rent, you remember? And they aren’t baristas like Matthew, so they can’t get real jobs. And the man with uptight face? His mother would always say, “Now, Edward.” (Pauses) Oh! Mary, his daughter with the top hat, has an affair with a Turkish dandy-man and he dies!

Bluebird: (So, so confused) Anything else?

The Husband: (Thinking. Looks up.) This is the first season. I am going to buy a top hat. Then I will tell you about the second season some other time.

Bluebird: I have a headache.

The Husband: Why?

Bluebird: I… don’t know.

The Husband: You need a top hat.

YOU VOTED for the next story and The Husband explained it, sort of! Voting is ongoing, so please do vote and make suggestions and I will see if I can capture the… special words that The Husband uses to describe movies and TV.

LET THE HUSBAND EXPLAIN Dune to you. No really. In two parts. Part one. And part two.

NEXT WEEK, OUR SUNDAY BEST will return to it’s regularly scheduled weekly slot. Happy Sunday, my friends!


Our Sunday Best | A Quick One While She’s Away


Unidentified woman in projection booth at Chris McGuire's Theatre: Fort Lauderdale, Florida


SCENE: A television studio. The set is dressed to look like a personal library. Everything is a little bit flimsy.

BLUEBIRD: (Sitting in wingback chair with a fine leatherback coloring book on her lap.) On Bluebird Blvd. this week, we’ve talked about everything from the universe to The Beach Boys to jump ropes to tabloid magazines to profanity.

BLUEBIRD: (Looks directly into the camera.) To celebrate a week filled with words, I want to give you a somewhat different treat. Here are five clips from movies I adore that help me fill the well of my own creativity,  soften my sense of this world,  and finally,  bring me great joy.

BLUEBIRD: (Some of these you may have seen; some you may want to see; some may not be your cup of tea.  All of these clips are SFW. Unless, of course, you want to go back to talking about profanity again…. No? Another time, then. I hope these clips bring you a little joy today. (Goes back to coloring with crayons in leather bound book.)

BLUEBIRD: (Shouting over shoulder.) Okay, start the projector! What do you mean the film is smoking? OOOOH NOOOOO! Where’s the fire extinguisher? Never mind. It’s fine now. Sharpen that focus, Skip! Where’s the volume knob? Let’s play it loud! Turn off the lights! Roll ’em!

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou





The Ghost and Mr. Chicken



Young Frankenstein



The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy