The Universe, According to My Husband
I did not know when I married The Husband that his hobby was studying the universe. And I did not know that would include having to listen to and/or watch in passing a sleek-packaged array of programs about every element of the science of the universe. But I now know I do not understand the following: astronomy, astrometry, astrophysics, astronautics, astrochemistry, aerospace engineering, spectroscopy, cosmography, cosmology, and basic geography.
![The Marriage Interpreter [No. 37]](http://i1.wp.com/bluebirdblvd.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/gertrudesaidalotofthings.jpg?resize=150%2C150)
The Marriage Interpreter [No. 37]
If The Husband is correct, Gertrude Stein said a lot of things I’ve never heard before. Apparently.
The Marriage Interpreter (No. 30)
The Husband: If a giant bear fought a giant shark in space, who would win?
The Marriage Interpreter (No. 24)
The Husband is studying philosophy this summer. Here are a few moments that reflect his, um, current state of being.
The Marriage Interpreter (No. 23) — 2012 London Olympics Edition! (Part I)
The Husband: In water. And (translating in his head)— that they are very pretty swimmer men.
![The Marriage Interpreter [No. 22]](http://i0.wp.com/bluebirdblvd.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/stdenisrebirththumb.jpg?resize=150%2C150)
The Marriage Interpreter [No. 22]
The Husband: I want to save this karma for something important. Like not getting hit with a trombone in a tight orchestra pit. Someone could say, “What happened? How’d you get that injury?” And then I can say, “Which do you mean— my eye, or the back of my head?” (Mimes trombone player sliding the outer slide out and then in— WAA-Waaaa!) That’s what I want to save my karma for. For not… that happening. Excuse me. I think I have confused myself.
The Marriage Interpreter (No. 21)
The HUSBAND is SINGING as he shaves— “Deer antlers and a CIVIL WAR BUGLE candelabra! Sans CANDLE!”
The Marriage Interpreter (No. 19)
“I got the stuff to do the thing with the stuff that… push it. Glue? Micronesia.”
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