I did not know when I married The Husband that his hobby was studying the universe. And I did not know that would include having to listen to and/or watch in passing a sleek-packaged array of programs about every element of the science of the universe. But I now know I do not understand the following: astronomy, astrometry, astrophysics, astronautics, astrochemistry, aerospace engineering, spectroscopy, cosmography, cosmology, and basic geography.
If The Husband is correct, Gertrude Stein said a lot of things I’ve never heard before. Apparently.
A few notes about my marriage to The Husband ten years ago.
The Husband: If a giant bear fought a giant shark in space, who would win?
Bluebird: Is any of this true?
The Husband is studying philosophy this summer. Here are a few moments that reflect his, um, current state of being.
The Husband: In water. And (translating in his head)— that they are very pretty swimmer men.
The Husband: I want to save this karma for something important. Like not getting hit with a trombone in a tight orchestra pit. Someone could say, “What happened? How’d you get that injury?” And then I can say, “Which do you mean— my eye, or the back of my head?” (Mimes trombone player sliding the outer slide out and then in— WAA-Waaaa!) That’s what I want to save my karma for. For not… that happening. Excuse me. I think I have confused myself.
The HUSBAND is SINGING as he shaves— “Deer antlers and a CIVIL WAR BUGLE candelabra! Sans CANDLE!”