THE HUSBAND is studying at the kitchen banquette.
The Husband: So we’re watching this movie in class. It’s kinda… meh.
Bluebird: What’s your problem with the movie?
The Husband: It’s got a love story— an EAST Coast love story. Not a WEST Coast love story.
Bluebird: (Raises eyebrow.) Hold on— what’s the difference between an East Coast love story and a West Coast love story?
The Husband: (Stares up at the ceiling, thinking.) Well, in an East Coast love story, there are sweaters. A lot more sweaters, Bluebird. A LOT.
THE HUSBAND comes into Bluebird’s office holding up a book on Brezhnev.*
The Husband: (Speaking in a Russian accent— a Muscovite accent.) Women’s brassieres are on the fourth floor next to parking level C. No, we do not validate parking.
Bluebird: What brought that on?
The Husband: (Same accent.) The spirit moved me.
THE HUSBAND is in the kitchen getting ready for a morning class.
The Husband: So we’ve been reading about women’s erroneous zones, and—
Bluebird: (Has just woken up.) Gwwwaaarrr…. the what, now?
The Husband: (Slower.) We’ve… been… reading… about… women’s… erroneous… zones.
Bluebird: (Starting to wake up.) I don’t… uh. Hunh. Are you sure?
The Husband: Yes, yes, I am. Men have a much more powerful erroneous zone, but a woman’s is more select, so yes. It has something to do with—(suddenly realizes the problem)—I think I’d like to start over.
Bluebird: (Closes eyes. Pinches nose with thumb and forefinger.) Yes. Let’s do that. Let’s do that right now.
*The Husband is studying the European History of Economics. (I think I got those in the right order.) Leonid Brezhnev was the General Secretary of the Central Committee in the U.S.S.R. from 1964 to 1982. (In essence, the General Secretary of the Central Committee was essentially what we think of as the president of communist Russia.) The Husband learned conversational Russian from his father, (who spoke five languages, I think. Or was it six?)
And I barely speak the one language I sort of know: English. Sheesh.
OH, THERE’S SO MUCH MORE, JUST FOR YOU!
At this writing, there are 46 Marriage Interpreters.
Each one is carried by hand down the mountains of Bluebirdistan by local natives, and then brought over the border to a strong river in Husbandiola, where it is placed over a fire of rare woods, then tooled and bound in the finest Corinthian leather.
This is the proud work that makes THE MARRIAGE INTERPRETER.